How To Be In A Love Triangle

March marks a funny time of year for me – because this time last year, I was just getting myself into a very interesting, tricky, exciting relationship situation. A love triangle, if you will.

March to September 2011 was filled with thrilling moments as I struggled to carefully maneuver between a timeline of two men: LA Boy & a longtime, faraway friend and former fling.

In reality, the era was not about finding love or dates in two different guys. For me, it was a time of learning. A time just for myself and my own best interests. I think I will always associate those months with feelings of strength, security and desirablity in who I was.

And as you may remember, eventually my lessons added up and romantically it made sense who I was supposed to be with. (Just as with any famous love triangle, no?)

So for fun: a little Draft revisited from 6/15/11, with edits throughout July 2011. Partially fictionalized to protect all hearts.

Alls well that ends well?

How To Be In A Love Triangle

Disclaimer: Please do not try this at home.

  1. Fall for two different guys on opposite coasts of the country
  2. Find their personalities and histories different in almost every way imaginable
  3. Upon a suggestion from a very wise Ex, refuse to commit to either until the same commitment is promised to you
  4. Ride the roller-coaster as emotions and contact come and go in waves from each party
  5. Ensure neither visits at a time to conflict with the other
  6. Avoid any mention of this
  7. Over-read Astrology compatibilities
  8. Recognize that real friends won’t pick any “Team” – except your’s
  9. Laugh and then cry when both of them send you thoughtful birthday gifts
  10. Fear hurting either man
  11. Fear hurting yourself
  12. Wonder which guy you will reveal the situation to first..wonder what that will mean
  13. Ask yourself if this is the real definition of “dating”
  14. Shake your head when people demand why you don’t just meet a guy in your own state
  15. Panic when you realize the situation could potentially go on for a long time
  16. Ponder if you really imagine much of a future with either of them
  17. Decide to keep playing single with your friends for as long as you can
  18. Understand that no one really cares about your “white girl problems

Advertisements

That Time You Cried at the Eye Doctors’ (On Questioning “Tough Love”)

As a woman, it is engraved in me by my environment (I’m looking at you, media) that I am an emotional being.

I’m told that my instincts or reactions shouldn’t be trusted because I will react in an emotional, and therefore irrational, way.

So why is it that many people – from strangers to family – feel compelled to push certain emotions onto me? Why do they feel preying on my emotions is the quickest way to get what they want?

I think that is the point of “tough love,” right? The initiator intends on creating an emotional response out of the other person. Whether the point is to provoke fear or guilt or sadness or reality, the threats or tones are used to extract a certain feeling.

But, you know, the thing I’ve noticed about trying to elicit an emotional response from someone is that you have no control of what emotion that person will extract. What if you just wind making them angry…or numb?

I will admit, I rarely need help feeling. Emotions protrude out of me.  So when someone tries to inject an emotion into me, I think it can backfire.

In reality, what I need most from people who are trying to show me some “tough love” is facts. I want to know why they are worried or why I should be scared. I think in terms of mental maps and cause and effect plays a big part into that. Naturally, I respond best when my mother tells me the specifics of why she feels taken advantage of because I learn how to prevent it in the future.

So today, when my eye doctor wanted me to know my situation was dire and that I needed to take his advice very seriously, I wasn’t prepared to respond to a firm talking-to. The doctor wanted to alleviate me of my poor use of contacts and teach myself to be more careful, lest I wind up with severe cornea damage in only a few short years. “Your eyes are priceless, right?” he asked me. But a stranger offering me “Daddy’s tough love” (his words) only made angry. The more he spoke, the more defensive I felt of all the factors leading up to the situation. I got that things were bad. I knew I had been doing something wrong. That why I was there!

In this case, I think I wanted a doctor. I wanted someone to tell me the facts of how everything led up to where they were. I wanted a game plan of how to remedy my poor infected eyes and how we could proactively prevent this from happening again.  I wanted to feel comfortable coming back to a team treating me like a patient, rather than a scared teenager afraid of being yelled at. Additionally, I wonder if I would have guilt-tripped myself worse than any stranger could have provoked out of me?

The whole thing has me thinking about how there seems to be no formula on the proper way to treat a patient. On the one hand, I think several people do need an emotional wake-up call or intervention. I hear this much about people recovering with eating disorders. On the other hand, I can’t help but think of the obsese patients at the physician’s office who probably know what they’re doing to their body is wrong, but are looking for how to stop and how to know when they’re doing something right.

So what do you think? Am I being a baby or responding out of embarrassment? Should I take someone’s general concern and try to listen and not react? Is it just that doctors are too overloaded to begin with? Or was this doctor wrong to assume an emotional role to get his point across?

Ps. By the way, I kind of think that a man who told me that my eyes naturally water because they are dry shouldn’t expect anything but tears.

Lessons Learned from Blogging Fails

Now that Mmm Stories has celebrated its (undeserved yet uncelebrated) one-year anniversary, I felt it was time to step in from my hiatus and act like a good blogger mama and show some love to my baby.

Whether this post is my last forever or my first in a new stream, I’d like my little blog to have some closure on this whirlwind of a year. Because while it hasn’t been heavily documented, it has been one of great self-actualization.

And that includes figuring out why my first year was..well..

kind of a Fail.

So please people: If you’re looking to start a blog – or are wondering why you can’t keep on track – here’s some things to note.

Lessons Learned from Blogging Fails

1. If you’re going to try to fit into a genre, actually dedicate yourself to it.

If you’re trying to show the world that you know what it means to balance life while still maintaining a healthy lifestyle – make sure that you are committed and truly interested in those actions.

I learned pretty quickly that it’s hard to talk about tough workouts, strength gains and weight loss if I’m not really getting in any great gym sessions. And I’m not going to show people how to make a tasty dessert or a healthy snack for a party – if I’m not really into writing down recipes.

So if you have a topic you’d like to focus on: make sure you’re sticking with it in day-to-day life.

2. Sometimes you may not need an outlet.

When I first started reading healthy living blogs, I was afraid to talk about weight loss or exercise or eating right with my friends in real life. Discovering other blogs was like magically finding the missing community I’d been searching for. 

But fortunately, since following my first blogs in July 2010, I have begun talking about all things fit and healthy with my real life friends. We are honest and upfront with our struggles and we cheer each other on with our accomplishments. Having work out and healthy eating partners has meant I have needed to reach out less online.

3a. Make sure you like pictures – editing them or being in them.

It’s going to be hard to document your life if you think every picture of yourself is terrifying.

Even if they are.

3b. It’s going to be hard to star in photos and text about your life – if you don’t really like who you are.

This is really the most important lessons I’ve learned about blogging!

If you’re too uncomfortable with the way you look to take a picture of yourself, but also too afraid of admitting that you’re unhappy with the way you look…you’re going to run out of things to blog about.

There is no hiding your unhappiness when it comes to sharing it all on a blog. So either document your struggles or wait until you’re happier. Authenticity is key because in the end, you’re the star of the show.

Fortunately 12.1 months have taught me a great deal and many ways to overcome previous obstacles. It’s just another one of those examples of when you let go of trying to be a certain way, things start to fall right into place.

I look forward to seeing ya’ll around.